Dear Paul and Leisa I’m 54 and have always had long hair. It’s now a bit wispy and dry and a bit fine, but I still have masses of it. I’d love to go into a hairdressers and have them help me change the style to something that would suit me. I’m finding this getting older stage a bit difficult and don’t know how to look attractive any more. Can you advise me?
Paul says:
As much as this is a very personal dilemma it’s not uncommon — in fact there comes a time when every woman asks her hairdresser ‘am I getting too old for long hair?’ This question is usually treated with a certain amount caution.
If the stylist answers “yes” the client will wonder why her hairdresser hasn’t suggested this before and a certain trust has been compromised. But if the stylist tells the client “not yet” then there is the sense that the time to chop is imminent but being delayed in some desperate attempt to hold on those precious locks until they have to be sacrificed in some brutal religious ceremony to ring in the coming of old age, crochet clubs and part time jobs at the local charity shops.
In my opinion, your stylist will have already started the process without you noticing — the clever way they layer your hair, creating softness and lightness where there once was flatness and weight, that sexy Goldie Hawn fringe that saved you a fortune on hideous Botox injections and made your eyes pop and gave you incredible cheekbones.
And don’t get me started on how they’ve been cleverly tweaking that colour over the last few years to incorporate your changing skin tone and the arrival of grey hair.
A great hairdresser is constantly working out ways to update, reinvent and rebalance your hair to suit your changing appearance and lifestyle, so when the time comes that your trusty stylist suggests ‘the big chop’ it will be a culmination of a relationship that has been built on absolute trust and integrity .
The fact that you have got to the point where you are 54 with waist -length hair and your stylist is reluctant to cut tells me a lot about your relationship with your hair — and your hairdresser.
Firstly there are no ‘appropriate’ lengths for women’s hair at any age. Secondly, maybe your waistlength hair is actually who you really are, and that’s how your stylist sees you.
A hairdresser will always look for ways to improve their client’s hair but will also be intuitively aware of that client’s true persona or identity. Nowadays it is not unusual to see women in their seventies with beautiful, lustrous heads of hair. In fact, the army of super model seniors on the pages of our favourite glossies is testament to our ageless society.
Beauty and fashion are no longer slaves to generic ‘model’ stereotypes and although there are still some concerns about what fashion tells us is relevant to our lives, it would appear that fashion and beauty are now more inclusive and wide-reaching.
Rarely do we judge people by hair length or colour any more than we do by any other physical trait. But I did say rarely. In your case you say your friends are suggesting that your hair is too long and at waist length, they may have a point. Waist length hair is at least four years old, if growing at a rate of six inches a year.
It’s likely the ends may be even older and combined with chemicals heated tools and the daily wear and tear of managing almost 30 inches of hair it is likely that the ends are a little tired. Even if you have an army of stylists treating your hair with the utmost care and kindness, hair just gets tired and it shows. Without seeing your hair, I think this is actually what your friends mean.
You don’t say if they think you should go short — just shorter. In reality your hair (and you) would receive a new lease of life by rethinking what long hair actually means to you.
It may be that you will always be a long haired gal but the time comes when having the longest hair in the room isn’t the most important thing. Rather it’s being the owner of a great healthy mane of hair that is styled well because that is always a head-turner.
Your stylist hasn’t suggested a change and that points to a bit of a crossroads. We always try to stay ahead of the client in terms of keeping the relationship interesting and fresh so if this isn’t happening perhaps a new set of eyes should be considered — leaving you with a different dilemma.
Whether we hairdressers like it or not, when a stylist is presented with the opportunity to capture a new client, every trick in the book is unleashed. There will be endless pictures of beautiful hair and famous faces shown to show what the end result (and you) will look like. There will be elaborate descriptions and explanations as well as pointing to the e ease and freedom that this new creation will offer. There may even be a small audience of assistants, colourists and reception staff on hand to offer oohs and aaahhs at every new suggestion. You will leave lightheaded, dizzy and maybe a little excited, appointment booked and deposit paid.
But then the guilt sets in; your old hairdresser, the one who did your wedding hair, your kids’ hair, your divorce hair, menopausal hair, happy hair, sexy hair, give me the job hair, and the hair you needed done on a last minute, after hours, on their day off to get you back in the game hair. Yeah, that hairdresser who sat down with you and agreed ‘you were better off without him.’
That hairdresser maybe loves you too much to tell you that you really need to get those ends cut off. Maybe that hairdresser needs one more chance to give your hair a new look. So take the lead, be honest about your concerns, explain what your friends have said. Discuss your hair’s condition and the possible reasons for damage or deterioration, and explore future changes and amendments. That way you both can focus on your hair length’s suitability to your changing attitude and lifestyle. No stylist wants to lose a client and your decision to take a step towards a new you will be welcomed by your hairdresser who will be only too delighted to embark on the brave new journey. The onus is on you to allow them to guide you.
But if you do decide it’s time to change stylists or you have yet to find ‘the one’, do your research diligently. Look for experience, preferably someone who has been around for reasonable time and has a wide and varied clientele. Book a consultation, be prepared — it’s important that you talk and they listen. And if time permits, see more than one. Remember every stylist has a different view, but when you meet the right person it will be obvious. After all, you deserve to have great hair at every age.
HAIR HERO
TILDA SWINTON
No one encapsulates the beauty of androgyny more than the fabulous Tilda, from her Bowie-esque Man Who Fell To Earth copper wedge to her bleached undercuts. Every look, different from the last is inspirational, progressive and iconic. The incredible Tilda is ground breaking, genre-making , gender blurring and style defining.
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